By Jim Fusco:

Okay, a random kind of post for you tonight, as I’ll admit that my want to do new videos is waning right now.  I’ve been way too busy entertaining folks for the holidays, along with work, both during the day and at night.  Plus, there are other ridiculous problems a-brewing that I’m trying to deal with…all while keeping up work on the site here.  And even the site is giving me some angst.  If you know me well enough, you’ll know that when I start to equate a bad thing to something else, I start to really dislike that other thing, too.  Until recently, the Laptop Sessions Music Blog was a source of happiness for me.  Now, I associate it with something very detrimental to me and my personal relationships.  I’m not sure how to solve it, but I know I just wish it would go away.  In fact, most days, I visit the blog with disgust and posting has become a bit of a burden.  I know the burden of posting will turn around again to something I enjoy, but I’m not sure that bad taste in my mouth will ever go away.  It seems to get worse and worse every day.

With not much “good” to look forward to, I figured I’d take a few minutes (that I really don’t have and that will prevent me from sleeping that much longer) to reflect on what I consider were “the good old days” of 2009 here at the blog.

The year started off pretty good, as I recall- coming off of a great Christmas last year, I felt a renewed vigor for friendships, new and old.  In fact, I had even begun reconnecting with friends I hadn’t been close with for a long time.  Old band members became new friends again.  The radio show cast was eager to make new shows (we just came off of our big 10th Anniversary Show) and a formerly close friend became close again because his “estrangement”.  Yes, it was a great winter.  My friend Dana even came to live with us that November, so it was like having a sleepover every night!  It was a lot of fun- I know there will come a time when I really, really wish he were here with me while we worked late at night.

The Laptop Sessions Acoustic Cover Songs Music Video Blog was in the middle of its biggest upswing (which peaked in April, 2009) before things started to go downhill.  Things are getting better, stat-wise, but that’s because of temporary fixes that I can only hope will create sustainable traffic.  Coming off of the Session-A-Day project in 2008, I’m sure we all felt a bit burned-out.  But I, for one, actually felt some hope going-forward, as the once-a-week model would allow me to carefully choose songs and focus on promoting what I already had.

I remember the financial crisis of late 2008 very well, as I would follow along on a daily basis.  I had recently started work at my great job and things were going well for me.  Becky was halfway through her first year of teaching we were both looking forward to our wedding day in July.

For videos, I started off with the Beach Boys’ “Living With A Heartache” from their 1980 album, “Keeping the Summer Alive”.  After that, I recorded “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” by Stevie Wonder in honor of our new President, Barack Obama.

Looking forward to my new album, “Halfway There”, I recorded original songs from the album as a preview.  Even though the album is definitely my best work to date, along with an amazing cover and professional packaging (and mixing), the album’s release was a mere blip on the map.  Probably won’t be rushing back into the studio with all that effort until I have at least five people that will purchase the darn thing.  That’s $350 bucks I’ll never see again…

As the year went on, friendships and general time among former close ones became scarce.  You can even tell just by the blog posts.  Lives go different ways.  Big events happened for all members of the blog this year and even though I feel I changed the least, probably the most happened to me.  I mean, this past year has been crazy- getting married, new job, a promotion at that job, a brand-new house, a new album, and probably a million other things I can’t even think of.  But, when I look back at the past year, I realize that I came out of all that pretty much the same “Jim” that went in there.  I think I “grew up” sometime before that- probably culminating around October, 2008 when I got my job.  After that, a much wiser, level-headed, and careful person emerged.

I’m a goal-driven person.  I pick a goal, then accomplish it…or at least try.  For instance, I knew I wanted to live in this neighborhood, so when my fiancee agreed, we did it.  Two years ago, I was wondering if I could afford a condo for less than half the price.  Or, how about an album?  Between about six jobs, countless responsibilities, and planning a wedding and a honeymoon, I managed to release an album of new material.  Being goal-oriented will benefit me in the future- someday I will look back on all these things I’ve accomplished and be proud.  I will have something to look back on.  But, of course, it came at the cost of being “fun” and “carefree”.  I honestly can’t think of a two-day span in my young adult life when I was truly care-free.  Goals will do that to you…

In closing, I feel like 2009 for me was much like it was for the country- a time in limbo.  Things kind of stayed stagnant, even though they changed a lot.  Let me explain- look at the economy.  A year later, we’re talking about maybe a couple of percentage point differences in the housing market, consumer spending, etc.  But, in that time, we’ve seen some of the largest companies in the world go under, re-structure, etc.  So, even though things changed a LOT, we came out on the other end just feeling like we clawed our way back to where we were a year ago.

A year ago, I was sitting at my computer, working-away at night after a hard say at work.  I also just described my night tonight.  But, in the middle, I got married, bought a house, and made some BIG life changes.  People have come and gone, but here I am, still doing the same thing I was doing last December 29th, just in a different location.

Think about that when you read this post- you may be doing something similarly to what you were doing a year ago today, but think of what happened in between.  Are you the same person you were back then?  Or, have you grown-up, changed, and altered your life permanently?  Do you even have the capacity to be unbiased enough to step-back and consider such an idea?

I’ll tell you this- as I sit here and look back, I realize how happy I am that I “found myself” last year.  It prepared me to deal with all these immense life-changes.  And that’s why I find myself on the other side of it all, unchanged.

Best wishes and a Happy New Year to most of you out there from your friendly neighborhood psychiatrist wannabe, Jim Fusco.

Related posts:

1. Wilco Summer 2009 REVIEW – Wappingers Falls, NY: Saturday, 7/18/2009
2. Bob Dylan Summer 2009 REVIEW – New Britain Stadium: Wednesday, 7/15/09
3. The 2009 Wheel Horse Tractor Show: A pictorial review…
4. Bob Dylan’s “Christmas in the Heart” (2009) – The Weekend Review
5. Music Review: John Mayer’s “Battle Studies” (2009)